


Boosh Got Talent

by richardnoelchris



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Other, Talent Shows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richardnoelchris/pseuds/richardnoelchris
Summary: This is a fic I wrote, because I was bored of talent shows on TV and thought what if The Mighty Boosh characters did a talent show. This is what I came up with.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Boosh Got Talent

It was around 7pm in Saboo's flat, the weather, cold and rainy and he was having a cuddle in his bed with a woman he'd met at the Shaman club……... 

Until he got interrupted by a phone call from Tony Harrison 

"Alright Saboo what you doing sunshine?"

"None of your business Tony, what do you want?"

"Sorry to interrupt but we have an emergency at the board of Shaman. How quickly can you get here?"

"I'll be there in 20 minutes tops alright?"

"Alright Saboo see you in 20. Give my love to whoever you're with"

"Yeah. No." He hung up and getting to a sitting up position said "sorry babe I have to go the board need me."

"That's ok you go." She pulled him closer and whispered in his ear "but when you get back we'll continue with this cuddle." 

"Can't wait babe." He kissed her on the lips "so um there's ginger beer in the fridge, help yourself and remote's there, so enjoy I'll be back later angel cake."

She blew him a kiss

**At the board of Shaman**

Dennis acknowledged Saboo's arrival and said, raising an eyebrow

"Ah Saboo there you are. As you've heard through the Tony Harrison grape vine, we have a rather urgent emergency."

"Hit me with it sire"

"Very well, Tony?" He looked at Tony, gesturing him to take the floor

"Right well Saboo can you....." Saboo widened his eyes as if to say "yes what is it?"

"Can you open this jar of salsa?" Tony said gesturing towards the fridge randomly situated in the middle of the forest

A blank expression crossed Saboo's face "You're joking right?"

Dennis replied "Wish we were Saboo but this particular jar is so hard to open, we've tried teeth, using a knife, everything."

"Yeah and I can't open it with my tentacles I can't get a grip."

"Yes and we would like to watch a movie."

"Right. So you called me in here to open a jar of salsa?"

Dennis went on and went towards the fridge, gesturing powerfully "Not just the salsa Saboo, also the cheese and the sour cream."

"Yeah the guacamole's alright cos it came in different packaging altogether. Plastic, peels off nicely like a plaster."

"Yes but then you get that bit after the lid where you think you can get it off in one but then it leaves little triangles. It's infuriating although in the end I used my sword."

"Yeah you know Dennis when he's angry. Waving his arms around in a frenzy, throwing a tantrum like a kid. Oh no offence Kirk."

Kirk piped up "None taken"

Dennis went back to his seat and made one of his hands into a fist "If I want something I go for it."

Saboo replied "yeah we know"

"What?"

"Like that time that woman worked in Shamansburys and you practically stalked her."

"I did not"

Tony suddenly realised what Saboo was talking about "Oh yeah I remember Melody her name was, she's quit now she was lovely."

"She was a real sweetheart anyway when you finally worked up the courage to speak to her. What did you say?"

Dennis' face went red "Um"

Saboo continued "You said hi there do you want to touch my balls"

Dennis put his head down, winced and quickly said "That was a mistake. I meant my crystals."

"She didn't know that! She slapped you in the face with the produce!"

"Yes well I've learnt my lesson."

"Alright Dennis, whatever."

There was an awkward silence and Saboo said "I'll go open the dips. What are you watching by the way?"

Dennis replied "Bond movie"

"Bullshit" Saboo walked to the fridge and went to open the jars.

After the movie finished, which Saboo was happy about because he hates Bond movies, Dennis came up with an idea.

"Oh my god."

"I know that bond girl was fit."

"No Tony. Why don't we have a talent show. Just for fun."

Tony's eyes went wide "Oh that's a great idea!"

"That might just work Denny boy."

"Thank you Saboo"

"Are we allowed to audition ourselves?" He raised an eyebrow

"No Harrison it's for the other characters who aren't Shamans." He looked towards the fourth wall.

Saboo closed his eyes in relief "Thank God for that. Nobody needs to see Tony's Donald Trump impression."

"Ohhhh come on you know you all love it.  _ Ohhhh my cofevee's gone cooold. I'm an orange prick! I like buildin walls n shit!  _ I feel like I really embody the character." Saboo was covering his ears and wincing.

Dennis made a sour face "There's no way Tony." 

"Oh alright fair enough."

"I'll make flyers sire."

"Excellent. Then it's settled we shall have a talent show." Flyers went up and talent from all over the Boosh universe, excluding Shamans as they were judging it, showed up. The auditions began.

*** * ***

Dennis: "hello there what's your name?"

"I'm Old Gregg."

Saboo: "Nice to meet you. What are you going to do for us today."

"I'm gonna hmm sing. Gonna sing for ya."

Tony: "Brilliant. Take it away seaweed."

_'hmm I want muscles. I want muscles. Hmmm yes i do. I said I want muscles'_

Dennis: "Alright we get the idea. Um I didn't really like it."

Saboo: "yeah um i got what you were trying to do but it's a no from me. Thank you."

"Don't fall asleep."

Tony: "What?"

"Nothing. Hmm thanks. Thank you for your time. Old Gregg had baileys ready to mmm creamy beige to celebrate him going through. Oh well." He walked away and the next auditonee came in.

S: "Hi what's your name?"

"I'm a foxy man."

T: "Ok and what are you going to do?" 

He replied in a deep, demonic voice "Gonna steal your soul boy."

T: What?

"Gonna play my banjo sir. My musical fryin pan sir."

D: "Right ok good luck."

He played a banjo version of the song  _ 'X Gon' Give It To Ya'  _ by DMX

He rapped in a low, demonic voice again, laughing menancingly  _ "Fox gon' give it to ya. Knock knock open up the door-"  _ Saboo cut him off, putting a hand up

S: "ok no. Thanks bye."

"I know where you live, next time you put your bins out boy, I'll be there I'm gonna drag you down sir. Extra chicken in the bag. Fox attack!" He walked out accompanied by his banjo music.

T: "oh there was no need for that." 

D: "Fellow shamans we'll have to go to……

T: "deadlock?"

D: " No, montage."

S: "sure why not we've got the budget for it."

**Montage**

Hitcher: "Hello there me old muckers. I'm gonna do some magic oohhhhhh. You're gonna love it. Pick a card any card. Not that one! Alright thanks. Now place it back in the pack son. Now oooohhhhhh was this your card?"

Dennis: "yes it was. Wow! How did you do that?"

Hitcher: "I'll never tell me secrets boy."

Dennis: "You're through."

Hitcher: "Thank you very much mate."

Moon: "I am the Moon and I'm gonna do a song for you."

Saboo: "take it away."

Moon: _'_ _Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.'_

Saboo: "Loved it you're through!"

Moon: "Thank you. I'm...i'm well happy." He turned back around.

Topshop caveman: 

Julian: ' _When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go.'_

Noel: Top shop.

Julian: ' _You can forget all your troubles. Forget all your cares and go.'_

Noel: Toooop shooop.

Julian: _'_ _Things will be great when you're.'_

Noel: Toooop shooop.

Julian: _'_ _Everything's waiting for you.'_

Saboo: "I mean I wanna see you again so it's a yes from me." 

Tony: "Me too."

Dennis: "and me. Congrats boys."

Noel: Top shop.

Tony: "Right we have one more act. Hope he's good. Take it away Sandy."

Sandy: (rap)' _I'm made of sand, I'm made of paper, I use my hands, cos I'm a masturbater. I'm bout that self love, I need another glove cos i've ruined them. Everybody sing self love self love. Oooo love love. Self love. Self love ooooo love love. So don't just stay at home puttin up a shelf. Word on the street is love yourself.'_

There was applause and ' _ Moment Like This'  _ by Leona Lewis started playing.

Sandy: "Oh my gosh. I've worked so hard for this. My parents would be so proud."

Saboo: "Aw are they here?"

Sandy: "No they're in an ikea somewhere."

Tony: "Oh shopping?!"

Sandy: "No they were made into furniture by a machine. It was traumatising. But they would be proud. I know they're looking up at me everytime I use my coffee table."

Dennis: "Very touching they would be proud. You are through Sandy."

Tony: "Yeah well done sunshine."

Sandy: "Thank you all so much haha."

Dennis: "Well that was fun. Let's um never do this again."

Saboo: "Agreed." Dennis noticed Tony wasn't in his Judge's chair

"Where's Tony?

They looked up and saw him on the stage

" _ Ok we're gonna build a waaaaalll _ ."

Saboo: "No Tone! Eugh right I'm off home to my girlfriend."

Dennis: "Oh yes your new lover. Give them my love."

Saboo: "yeah, no."

  
  



End file.
